


Roy Walks into a Bank

by moomoomeep



Series: I Know, You Know [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Bank Robbery, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Hostage Situations, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 02:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7556254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moomoomeep/pseuds/moomoomeep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed gets the unmistakable feeling that Roy is involved in something stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for your support on the first one! I'm so excited for this series and I want to bring as much of it to you as possible before I go back to school in August! I hope you guys enjoy! :D
> 
> Inspired by: Psych season 3, episode 8 (there will be potential spoilers throughout the fic)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or Psych
> 
> Note: Takes place five years after brotherhood and about 2 and half weeks after Tuesday the 17th

“—and then Al was like ‘Ed, there’s no way that a human being can bend like that,’ so I said, ‘why not, I do it for Roy every night.’ And Al said, ‘ew, Brother, there are some things that I don’t need to know about you,’ so I said, ‘do you wanna learn some things about Roy instead’ and—hey, why are we stopping?” Ed asks confused as Roy pulls off the road and parks in front of Central National Bank.

Roy turns off the car before looking at Ed. “I have a check I want to deposit before the bank closes for the weekend.”

Ed raises an eyebrow. “I know you get direct deposit so where’d you get that from? You doin’ some shady underground dealings behind my back?”

Roy snorts. “If I was doing quote ‘shady underground dealings,’ then we wouldn’t still be living in state owned housing, now would we?”

Ed thinks it over. “I see your point.”

Roy clicks his tongue. “Do you remember that bet I made with Havoc a few days ago?” he asks, waiting until Ed nods his confirmation before continuing, “Well, I won. He gave me the check this morning and told me to deposit it today so it will clear before his rent is due.”

“And you didn’t do this on your lunch break because . . .?”

Roy glares at Ed, who returns it full force. So what, if Ed ended up leveling another building when he was out on patrol with Breda, and Roy had to work through lunch in order to get it resolved today? It’s not like he did it on purpose . . . okay, maybe he did it a little on purpose, but that Alchemist who caught him off guard had it coming!

Ed breaks their staring match by rolling his eyes and slumping further down into his seat. “Fine, just don’t take all day like you usually do. We need to get these groceries back before the,” Ed shudders, “ _milk_ goes bad. I know Al and he’ll throw a fit if we bring back another bad case.”

“Ah, yes, we can’t let anything bad happen to the milk, despite your intentions,” Roy says, sighing when Ed sticks his tongue out at him. “Remind me why your brother lives with us again.”

“Because it’s cheaper for him to be with us during his school breaks rather than in an apartment on his own, now, hurry up, I’m hungry.”

Roy rolls his eyes. “You’re always hungry,” he says as he takes off his seat belt and exits the car. “I won’t be long, love.”

Ed huffs out a breath and kicks his feet up on the dash because Roy isn’t here to tell him otherwise. He leans his head back against the seat and yawns, thinking that he’ll be able to squeeze in a quick nap, when he gets the unmistakable feeling that Roy is involved in something stupid.

Ed sits upright and looks at the bank curiously, trying to make out any sort of movement inside, when he hears sirens. He turns to look out the window and sees several police cars pulling onto the street. The vehicles park haphazardly wherever they can find room. Dozens of officers climb out of their respective cars and begin closing off the area in an attempt to keep the civilian population at bay.

The car that parked closest to Ed opens up and Hawkeye, Havoc, Breda, and Fuery climb out of the car. Havoc stays at Hawkeye’s side while Fuery and Breda go over to a police van and begin coordinating with them.

Ed carefully opens the door and climbs out of the car, drawing Havoc and Hawkeye’s attention.

“Edward, are you alright?” Hawkeye asks. While her tone is neutral, she has tightness in her jaw and a knit in her brow that one could only spot if they’ve been around her for as long as Ed has.

“ . . . Yes?” Ed asks concerned, a feeling that doubles once Hawkeye’s shoulders slump in relief.

“I’m glad,” Hawkeye says before her gaze slides over to the bank. “We’ve received word that there’s a gunman inside Central National—”

Ed doesn’t wait until Hawkeye finishes speaking before turning on his heel and trying to rush into the bank, panic settling firmly in his chest. He struggles against Hawkeye and Havoc, who grab his arms and try to pull him back.

“Boss, what’s gotten into you?” Havoc says with a grunt.

Ed manages to take two steps forward before he’s hauled back. “Roy’s in there,” he says through gritted teeth, low enough so that only Hawkeye and Havoc can hear him.

Hawkeye hesitates in her grip only for a second before it tightens as her resolve settles. “Edward, let’s think about this logically. We don’t know anything other than the fact that there’s a gunman and an unknown number of hostages. We need to approach this cautiously so we don’t endanger anyone.”

Ed lets out a low frustrated whine before he ceases in struggling. He knows that Hawkeye’s words hold true and he would be devastated if something happened to Roy (or any of the other hostages) because he ran in blind. Fucking up his own life is one thing, but others? Ed doesn’t want to have any more deaths on his conscious.

Hawkeye loosens her grip. “Ed, we’re going to let you go now.” She waits until Ed nods before she and Havoc release his arms.

Ed shakes out his arms and rolls his shoulders before he turns to face them. Both Havoc and Hawkeye look concerned, but Ed shakes his head. “I’ll be fine. Let’s get this wrapped up and get everyone out of there.”

Hawkeye nods approvingly before straightening her posture and turning on her heel, leaving Ed and Havoc to stumble after her. They eventually come to a stop near a police van where Fuery appears to be setting up a phone line and Breda pours over a map with a few local police officers. Ed and Havoc hang back while Hawkeye continues on.

Ed rocks back on his heels and nudges Havoc to get his attention. “Hey, where’s Falman? I haven’t seen him yet.”

“He’s holding down the fort,” Havoc says simply as his eyes survey the scene. “We wanted someone to stay behind just in case we needed to call for backup.”

Ed furrows his brow. “But, the military doesn’t handle cases like these?”

“You’re right; we don’t, but the Lieutenant got a feeling that Chief was involved in something stupid and wanted to check it out for herself.”

Ed hums, watching as Hawkeye nods to the officers before returning to him and Havoc. Once she’s in earshot, he says, “You too, huh?”

Hawkeye sighs and shakes her head. “This is what I get for letting him leave early.”

Ed winces. “So, there’s no chance of that ever happening again, is there?”

An evil glint appears in Hawkeye’s eye and Ed knows that Al is going to have to let go of his idea about the three of them having “family dinners” every night.

Ed bites back a sigh and opens his mouth to inquire about their next move when they’re cut off by a large, intimidating black van barreling onto the scene.

Hawkeye scowls and it peaks Ed’s curiosity. There aren’t many things that visibly piss her off, and Ed wants to know what could have caused this reaction. He watches the van as it swerves and parks near their position, dragging up dust and loose gravel that irritate Ed’s sinuses. He sneezes into the crook of his arm before taking another look at the van, noticing the large white print on the side of the vehicle that reads: ‘S.W.A.T.”

“Who are they?” Ed asks curiously.

“Special Weapons and Tactics—better known as SWAT. They’re a division of local law enforcement with military training,” Havoc explains. “They take on the cases that are too large for the police, but that the military doesn’t want to get involved in. Think of them as a halfway point between the police and us.”

Ed looks back to the van and cocks his head to the side. “Huh. Never heard of them before.”

“There’s a reason for that. Normally, if the military is present, then they won’t interfere,” Havoc says. “In this case, however, it’s likely that one of the tellers tripped a silent alarm and one of the officers on scene must have given word to call them in.”

“I don’t like them,” Hawkeye says, narrowing her eyes at the van as if it personally offended her.

Before Ed gets the chance to ask exactly what she’s trying to imply, the doors to the SWAT van fly open. A woman stands in the doorway, hands on her hips and a smirk on her face. She’s wearing a bulletproof vest over her basic white blouse and gray slacks, with sunglasses perched on her nose and a high ponytail swishing behind her. She hops out of the van, landing on her feet before raising herself to her full height. She pulls off her sunglasses and places them on her head.

She looks around the scene and that smirk widens when she spots Hawkeye. She gives a quick order to her men that followed her out of the van before sauntering over. _“Riza,”_ she says, drawing out every syllable of Hawkeye’s name. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“Patti,” Hawkeye responds neutrally and professionally. Her tone wouldn’t make anyone else think twice, but Ed can tell that Hawkeye _loathes_ Patti and he wonders what the hell could have happened between them to cause such a reaction.

Patti continues smirking and places her hands on her hips again. “That’s SWAT Captain Patricia Barnes, Hostage Negotiation. I got a promotion a while back, but you already knew that, didn’t you?”

Hawkeye’s fingers twitch and Ed narrows his eyes. There’s something about Patti that rubs Ed the wrong way and he’s sure that if Hawkeye didn’t have the self-restraint of a saint that they would have an entirely different situation to deal with.

Tension is thick and heavy in the air as Hawkeye and Patti stare each other down, having a silent argument with just their eyes. Ed shuffles uncomfortably and tries to think of a way to break the atmosphere, but it’s done for him when Fuery lets out a classic eureka shout.

“Lieutenant Hawkeye! I got a dial tone! We should be able to contact the bank now,” Fuery says, excitedly as he pulls off his headphones and sets them aside.

Hawkeye nods. “Excellent work, Fuery. Now, we can—”

“Let me see that,” Patti says, rudely cutting Hawkeye off before marching over to Fuery. She reaches past him and picks up the phone, dialing quickly before placing the receiver against her ear. She motions for Fuery to put his headphones back on when her eyes light up.

“Why hello there. This is Captain Patricia Barnes, to whom am I speaking with?” Patti is silent for a brief second before she shrugs. “That’s alright, you don’t have to say anything. I’m good at these one-sided conversations and—okay, okay, calm down. I can do that, but I need you to do something for me first, okay? How about a name?” Silence. “Yes, if you give me your name then I’ll call these guys back . . . Seymour? That’s a nice name. I actually have a . . . Asses? Your name is Seymour Asses?”

Ed has to look down at the ground so he doesn’t burst out laughing at the scandalized expression on Patti’s face, while Havoc chokes and Hawkeye covers her mouth with her hand.

“Yes, well, that certainly is an interesting name. I’ll give you that,” Patti says, unimpressed before pinching the bridge of her nose. She raises a hand and gestures for her men to move back some before shaking her head.

“Excuse me!” a woman shouts from the direction of the barrier. “My husband is in there and he’s a diabetic. He needs to eat soon or else he might go into shock!”

Patti gives the civilian a nod in acknowledgement. “Look, I’m going to be straight with you, Seymour. I’m in this for the long haul and I know you are too. But, you’ve got some hungry people inside and one of them is a diabetic. So, what do you say we get some food in there? You like pizza?” Silence. “Alright, it will be here in a jiff and—they hung up.”

Fuery takes off his headphones and shifts nervously. “So, um, what do we do now?”

“Well, it’s obvious that we can’t send an actual delivery person inside,” Patti says as she sets down the receiver. “I’m thinking I’ll have one of my officers go in disguise. At least then, we won’t be putting any more civilians in harms way.”

Ed scoffs. “Don’t be ridiculous. They’ll never fall for that,” he says. He turns to Hawkeye before saying, “I’m going in.”

Hawkeye nods her approval while Patti furrows her brow in anger.

“Didn’t you hear me?” Patti says. “I just said that we can’t send in a civilian—”

“He’s not a civilian,” Hawkeye says. “If your information was up to date then you would know that this is Major Edward Elric, State Alchemist under the command of General Mustang. He’s more than capable of handling himself and he’s going in.”

Recognition flashes in Patti’s eyes, as she looks over Ed. “Wait, _this_ is the famous Fullmetal Alchemist? But, he’s so—”

“So, WHAT? So tiny you couldn’t spot him in a pile of sand?” Ed exclaims.

Hawkeye coughs and places a fist in front of her mouth to hide her amusement. “Despite Edward’s unique choice of phrasing, he’s the only one who’s not in uniform and able to handle an armed gunman. As I said before: he’s going in.”

Patti stares down Hawkeye for a solid minute before she scoffs and walks away (presumably to place the pizza order).

Hawkeye watches her leave before turning to her men. “Alright. Fuery, keep an eye on the phone lines in case . . . Seymour calls back. Breda, I want you to continue coordinating with the police and SWAT to see if there’s another way into the bank. Havoc, get in touch with Falman and get more soldiers down here. Use the General’s name if you need to. I refuse to let Patti take control of this situation.”

“Sir!” the three men say in unison before moving to perform their specific tasks.

“And what about me, Lieutenant?” Ed asks curiously.

“You’re with me, Edward,” Hawkeye says. “We’re going to wait here until the food arrives. Once it does, you’ll bring it to the doors, drop it off, and get the hell out of there. The last thing we need is for you to become a hostage too.”

Ed nods and turns his gaze towards the bank, his eyes desperately searching for any sort of movement behind those doors. It kills him not having any sort of contact with Roy, not knowing whether he’s hurt or—

Ed cuts off that train off thought and shakes his head. Even though all he wants to do is force his way inside the bank just to get a glimpse of Roy’s condition, he knows he’s more useful out here, especially once Breda manages to find an alternate way inside. He may not have his alchemy anymore, but he doesn’t need it to level a building (as proven yesterday). Besides, Ed thinks as he sneaks a glance at Hawkeye, he’s not the only one who’s willing to do whatever it takes to get Roy back.

Ed slides his gaze back to the front door of the bank. If anything, Ed is glad that Roy wasn’t wearing his jacket when he walked into the bank. If the gunman had any idea exactly whom he was holding hostage . . .

“We’ll get him back, Edward,” Hawkeye says firmly as if she read his thoughts.

Ed is silent for a brief moment before he says, “I know.” He clasps his hands behind his head and rocks back on his heels as he settles in for the wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter! Thank you guys so much for all of the support! It means a lot! 
> 
> warning: death

“Edward,” Hawkeye says in exasperation. “Believe me. I understand that you’re worried, but you’ve been pacing for the last half an hour straight.” When Ed doesn’t respond, she sighs quietly and shakes her head. “You’re just as bad as him.”

Ed wrings his hands together nervously and swallows hard. He forces himself to stop next to Hawkeye and mirrors her resting stance. Ed manages to stay still for half a second before twitching and resuming his pacing.

Hawkeye sighs louder. “Edward—”

“Hey shorty!”

Ed’s eyebrow twitches. “Who’re you calling so small—?”

“That he has to use a booster seat and order from the kiddie menu?” Patti finishes amused while Ed fumes. She comes to a stop directly in front of him, flanked on either side by two guards carrying steaming hot pizzas from that Aerugan place down the road. “Have you already been briefed?”

Ed crosses his arms. “I drop off the pizzas at the door and come straight back. Relax, I got this.”

Patti’s eye twitches, likely at Ed’s lack of respect, but she recovers quickly. “Good,” she says before gesturing to the officers behind her.

The officers walk over to Ed, who holds out his arms and accepts the pizzas that are handed to him. The scent makes Ed’s stomach and heart clench with the reminder that he and Roy are supposed to be having dinner with Al right know. Ed shakes his head and looks to Hawkeye, who nods her approval, before taking a deep breath and walking around the police van.

Tension is thick and heavy in the air as Ed slowly makes his way to the bank. He passes through a mixture of local law enforcement and SWAT, all coiled tight and ready to spring into action in case the plan fails (and Ed’s really hoping that it doesn’t). There are two SWAT officers positioned behind Roy’s car and Ed barely spares them a glance as he stares down Central National Bank over the top of the pizza boxes.

The gunman is lingering next to the door, watching his every move. They’re wearing a ski mask, tactical gear, and have a standard assault rifle resting in the crook of their elbow.

Ed forces himself to relax and make his posture as non-threatening as possible as he reaches the bank’s double doors. He stops and watches the gunman warily before shifting so he can set down the pizzas as slowly as possible. The last thing he needs is for the gunman to get agitated and shoot him out of retaliation. Roy would never let him hear the end of it if that happened.

He places the pizzas on the ground and slowly straightens up. Without sparing the gunman another glance, he turns to walk away and is barely able to register the fact that Hawkeye is shouting at him before he’s grabbed by his braid and yanked backwards.

Ed grits his teeth and struggles against the gunman’s surprisingly strong grip, but loses his momentum when his heel catches on the pizza boxes. He holds back a gasp as he’s forcibly dragged into the bank and tossed to the side. By the time Ed manages to regain his balance, the gunman has relocked the doors and pointed their rifle at Ed’s chest.

The gunman smirks self assuredly and Ed bites back a retort. He moves when the gunman gestures for him to turn around and stays stubbornly in place until the barrel of the rifle is pressed against his back. Ed’s forced into the main room of the bank, where at least a dozen terrified hostages (including the bank employees) are sitting near the main counter. Ed can hear a series of noises coming from somewhere off to the side and he (shamefully) ignores them when he spots Roy leaning against the counter.

Relief flows through Ed as he looks at Roy, who is staring at him in shock. At first glance, he doesn’t appear to be hurt, but Ed still makes a mental note to look over him properly later. Ed is pulled from his thoughts when the barrel of the rifle is pressed harder against his back. He grits his teeth and braces himself for a confrontation when the phone rings.

The gunman makes a noise of disappointment. “Sit down and don’t move,” they say in a low, rumbling voice that Ed doesn’t recognize. “I’ll deal with you in a minute.”

The pressure is lifted from Ed’s back and when the gunman walks away, Ed heads straight for Roy.

“ _Daniel_ , what the hell are you doing here?” Roy whispers harshly once Ed is within earshot.

Ed is surprised that Roy called him by one of his secret codenames since he usually defaults to Fullmetal in public. Although, now that he’s thinking about it, they don’t know anything about this gunman or their reason for holding up the bank. If they were made aware of the high profile hostages that they have, then it would spell big trouble for him and Roy, as well as for everyone else who’s trapped in here.

Ed shrugs casually, making himself seem like a nonchalant employee in a bad situation rather than a bundle of nerves who’s worried about when the gunman is going to snap. “Relax, boss, I’m here to rescue you,” he whispers back.

“By getting yourself caught?”

“Hey, in my defense, that wasn’t apart of the plan,” Ed responds as he sits down next to Roy and bumps their shoulders together (which is the only affection that Ed can show him right now). “Are you hurt?”

Roy shakes his head. “I’m fine and don’t give me that look, Daniel, I’m being serious,” he whispers with a huff. “I was only in here for a minute before the gunman came in through the back and pulled a gun on us.”

“You weren’t able to do anything?”

“Too many civilians. In an enclosed area like this, I would have fried all of us instantly.”

Ed nods. “Have you found out anything about the gunman?”

“I know that he’s acting alone and that he’s forcing some of the bank employees to empty the vault,” Roy says, which explains the noise that Ed heard when he first walked in. “Other than that, he’s a mystery.”

Ed bites down on the inside of his cheek as he watches the gunman from the corner of his eye, arguing with whomever is on the other line. They’re standing in a way that they’re out of site from the cops, but so that their back is facing Ed and the other hostages. Ed knows that he could probably get the jump on the gunman if he’s careful, but he’s going to need a backup plan.

He looks over at Roy, who is staring blankly at the ceiling. He doesn’t want to have to use Roy as a distraction, but other than himself, Roy has the best chance of taking on the gunman and living. Ed bites back a sigh and nudges Roy with his shoulder to get his attention. “Do you have your gloves on you?”

Roy shifts. “I snuck one on my right hand when the gunman wasn’t looking and the other is in my pocket. Why? Do you have a plan?”

“Sort of, but you’re probably not going to like it?”

Roy sighs. “I can hear my wallet crying,” he says before leaning his weight against Ed. “Alright, what is it?”

“See, I was thinking—”

_“Who’s talking?”_ the gunman yells suddenly before slamming the phone down on the table and whirling around to glare at the hostages in a fit of rage.

“They are,” a large, sweaty man, who looks as if he’s the bank manager, says while he points an accusing finger at Ed and Roy.

Ed stares at the man in disbelief. “Thanks for that, you prick,” is all he manages to say before he’s grabbed by his braid and yanked to his feet.

Roy reaches for him, and he’s kicked in the stomach for his trouble. Ed struggles against the hold as he’s dragged away, watching Roy choke and gasp for air while one of the nicer hostages rushes to his side and tries to help him control his breathing.

“Did you really think that you were unrecognizable, _Fullmetal Alchemist_ ,” the gunman sneers as he shifts to point the barrel of his rifle to Ed’s head. “You have a pretty bounty on your head and will make me a very wealthy man when I turn you in.”

Ed snorts. “Fat chance I’m going with you, asshole.”

The gunman yanks Ed’s head backwards. “I never said you had to be alive and—ah ah, don’t move or I’ll put a bullet in you,” they say before pointing the gun at Roy, who looks as if he was preparing to get into position to snap. “Hey, wait, I know you. You’re the Flame Alchemist—I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you out of uniform.” The gunman laughs. “Today is my lucky day! Not only will I get all the money in this bank, but I get to turn in both Fullmetal and Flame. I’m going to be rich!”

“Take them then!” a woman shouts from somewhere off to Ed’s right. “Take them and let the rest of us—”

The gunman aims and shoots, causing the hostages to scream and Ed’s struggling to intensify.

“What the hell, you fucking psycho, you didn’t have to kill her,” Ed shouts as he watches the woman’s body crumbles to the ground. A couple hostages slowly scoot away, their eyes wide and terrified as they try to look everywhere except at the corpse a few feet from them.

“Yes, I did. I hate people like that,” the gunman says. “Now, where was I . . . oh yeah.”

Ed’s yanked backwards by his hair again as he’s dragged towards the backrooms where he’s most likely to be murdered before the gunman returns for Roy, who is still trying to regain his breath. He manages to twist his body and catches a glimpse out the window where he spots Hawkeye on the roof across the street, holding a sniper rifle that she definitely wasn’t carrying before. Seeing her gives Ed an idea. It’s dangerous, stupid, and he might get yelled at for it later, but it’s the best he’s got right now.

Ed takes a deep breath before he kicks up his left leg and reaches out with his right hand, knocking himself and the gunman off balance so he can grab the knife that he keeps in his boot.

The gunman recovers quickly and laughs when he realizes what Ed is holding. “Aw, that’s cute. Too bad that’s not going to work on me.”

Ed grins. “I disagree,” he says before moving quickly. He yanks his head forward and swings the knife back, cutting off his braid right above the gunman’s fist. His hair falls to the ground in a blond cascade, but Ed pays it no mind as he whirls around and kicks the assault rifle from the gunman’s slacked grip with his automail foot.

The gunman howls as they grab their hand in pain. Ed charges for them, hoping he can end this in a few blows, when the gunman reaches behind him and pulls out a pistol.

Ed skids to a stop and swears internally while the gunman grins and cocks his weapon. Ed is standing between the gunman and the window and he knows that Hawkeye won’t have a clear shot until he moves, which is going to be difficult because Ed has a feeling he’s going to be shot as soon as he tries.

The gunman shifts and levels the pistol with Ed’s head. “Any last words?”

Ed thinks it over for a moment before he smirks. “The Hawk’s Eye is always watching,” he says before flinging himself to the ground.

A single bullet flies through the window and lodges within the gunman’s chest: a perfect kill shot. The gunman falls backwards to the ground in a heap while the hostages scream at the site of another lifeless body.

Ed breathes out a sigh of relief as he listens to the hostages flee from the bank. It’s finally over. He shifts so he can push himself upright when a gloved hand appears in his line of vision. He looks up and smiles when he sees Roy standing above him. Ed grabs his hand and allows Roy to help him up. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Are you hurt, love?”

“I’m fine,” Ed says, wincing after Roy punches him in the shoulder (and none too gently, either). “The hell was that for?”

“Don’t you _ever_ scare me like that again. You almost gave me a heart attack,” Roy says before he holds out Ed’s hair tie.

“Yeah, well, what else is new,” Ed says as he takes the hair tie. He runs his fingers through his now shoulder length hair before pulling it back into a bun at the base of his neck. “Alright, let’s go. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner we can go home, and I can get my hands on you.”

Roy hums, clearly amused as he leads the way out of the bank. “Oh, do you now?” he practically purrs.

Ed wants to punch him in the face. “Don’t get the wrong idea, you bastard. I want to make sure you’re not injured.”

“I wasn’t lying to you before, but I won’t object. Will you be giving me a thorough examination?”

“You bet your ass I will.”

“Oh, you want to switch it up this time?”

“You perverted—”

“Sir! Edward!”

Ed looks up as he and Roy pass through the threshold of the bank and spots Hawkeye coming towards them.

“Lieutenant, report,” Roy says.

Hawkeye salutes. “Sir, we’ve acquired backup from Command and have taken control of this investigation. I have Havoc and Breda taking statements from the hostages while Fuery went back to base so he and Falman can get started on our report.”

“Excellent work as always, Lieutenant,” Roy praises. “Since it seems like you have everything under control, I think I’ll head out with Ed and—”

“Don’t think that you’re off the hook, sir,” Hawkeye says, leveling Roy with a hard look. “We’re going to have a _very_ long discussion tomorrow about your tendency to get involved in situations where you don’t belong.”

Ed nods his agreement, knowing that Hawkeye will chew him out way worse than he ever could. “My thoughts exactly.”

Roy looks between Ed and Hawkeye with a look of disbelief on his face. “You guys are teaming up on me?”

Ed crosses his arms. “We’re stronger as one.”

Hawkeye nods. “My thoughts exactly.”

Roy sighs heavily. “Why is this my life?”

Ed shakes his head before turning to Hawkeye “Thanks for your help, Hawkeye. We couldn’t have done this without you.”

A soft smile crosses her face. “Riza.”

Ed raises an eyebrow.

“Call me Riza.”

Ed smiles widely. “In that case, you can call me Ed.”

Riza blinks. “Very well,” she says.

“Riza!” Patti yells from somewhere off in the distance. “Call off the military, Riza!”

“No,” Riza says as she turns to face Patti, who stops directly in front of her. “This investigation is now under General Mustang’s Command as decreed by Fuhrer Grumman. You have no authority here, Patti, and I’m going to have to ask you to vacate the premises willingly or you will be escorted out.”

“You _bitch_. How dare you do this to me again,” Patti says as she clenches her hands into fists and grinds her teeth together. “You think you’re so much better than everyone else just because you’re military, but I know you Riza, and I won’t let you _dogs_ get away with this. You haven’t seen the last of me.” With that, Patti whirls on her heel and all but stomps away from the scene.

Ed watches her go for a bit before turning to Riza, who has an unreadable expression on her face. “Damn. What the hell was all that about?”

Riza sighs. “It wasn’t always like this. We were actually roommates back when we were stationed in East City. Things were good until our team was assigned a case, which originally belonged to Patti’s division, because they weren’t making any progress and the military was becoming impatient. She saw this as a “betrayal,” hurled several unmentionable slurs at me, called the then Colonel lazy and useless, and to top it off, moved out without paying her half of the rent for that month. I got kicked out, Fuery took me in until I found a place, and Patti and I have been . . . rivals, if you will, ever since.”

“You do realize that you and Ed call me lazy and useless on a regular basis, right?” Roy says.

Riza raises an eyebrow. “Exactly. The only two people who get to are standing right here. Now, if you’ll excuse me, sir, I have a scene to oversee. Havoc will take your statements and then see you home. Have a safe drive and call the office as soon as you can. That’s an order.” Riza salutes before walking away, leaving Roy and Ed completely and utterly confused by what just happened.

“Remind me how you’re in charge again?” Ed asks, looking up at Roy, who looks just as equally lost.

“Honestly, at this point, I have no clue myself,” Roy says with a sigh before straightening his posture and nodding to Havoc, who approaches them with a wide grin on his face.

“You guys ready to do this?” Havoc asks once Ed and Roy are within earshot.

Roy and Ed exchange a glance and unanimously decide that they are. So long as they comply with the instructions that they’ve been given, then neither one of them will have to endure the legendary wrath of one Riza Hawkeye.


End file.
